on the flip side

I get how things don't normally go your way. Sometimes it takes an "extra" something to get to that point and actually live it. And once you do, it feels great - empowering even.

I seem to always misconstrue that if you aim your head towards something, you can always glide your way through it. To some, it works like magic. But to someone like me (stubborn as hell, easily persuaded to do the opposite almost all the time), it takes a mighty will and extreme focus to actually achieve it. Probably because I know at the back of my head that it's a plausible matter. I am lazy by nature. And a little too much of a believer in what's good and ideally, what's good will always be equated to what's right. And that if it's meant to be, then it will find its pristine way to you. A little too Walt Disney-ish to an adult palette. But that's not why I am semi-ranting right now. The thing that really irks me, is being misconstrued as someone who gets things for free, or someone who never really thrives at anything. A someone who settles for an "OKAY" and "MANAGEABLE" expecting that these two are the best compliments any sane person could possibly get. What. The. Hell.

Is it really hard for someone to simply see things beyond its seven shades of crimson? And wonder that someone with an abusive usage of words and getting mediocre scores can flip things to excellency when push comes to shove? To recognize passion marked on the very skin of a regular 27 something and fails to do so just because she blabs too much? I get it. 
But sometimes, being loud doesn't mean you come mentally and sensibly empty. And you should probably thank these people because when all else fail, it is always easier to point your fingers at them, blame them for some failed plan just because they were too upfront about it or too vocal. Having experienced such "racism" is clearly a one way ticket in dousing my self-esteem. It's allowing that other side of me (the insecure, lowly, fragile side) to rethink about all the great plans I would have wanted or to question if I am ever going to do things right. That sucks! Not even a warm mushroom soup nor a dollop of ice cream can cure this kind of depression. And it's even harder knowing that these very things stemmed from the person whom you've thought of as an ally. Perhaps I could just dismiss this whole thing as a "bump" to whichever road of success I am headed for. But still, it hurts.